ON HAIRDRYER INSTRUCTIONS;
- Do not use while sleeping.
ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP,
- Directions: Use like regular soap.
ON A FROZEN DINNER:
- Serving suggestion: Defrost.
ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX:
- Fits one head.
ON TESCO'S TIRIMISU DESERT
- Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING
- Product will be hot after heating
ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON
- Do not Iron clothes on body
ON BOOTS CHILDRENS COUGH MEDICINE
- Do not drive car or operate machinery
ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID)
- Warning: may cause drowsiness
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE
- Warning keep out of children
ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
- For indoor or outdoor use only.
ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR
- Not to be used for the other use
ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS
- Warning: contains nuts
ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS
- Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW
- Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
ON A PACKET OF SUNMAID RAISINS
- Why not try tossing over your favorite breakfast cereal?
* "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.
* "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.
* "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.
* "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup. [New!]
* "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.
* "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.
* "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.
* "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.
* "Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.
* "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.
* "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.
* "Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.
* "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.
* "Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone.
* "Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers.
* "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink.
* "Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate.
* "Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant.
* "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.
* "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757.
* "Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.
* "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.
* "Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels.
* "Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.
* "Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.
* "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.
* "This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.
* "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.
* "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.
* "Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.
* "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.
* "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.
* "Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.
* "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.
* "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.
* "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.
* "Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.
* "Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.
* "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.
* "Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.
* "Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.
* "Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.
* "Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.
* "Please remove before driving." -- On the back of a cardboard windshield (for keeping the car from getting too hot when parked).
* "Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.
* "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.
* "For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.
* "Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.
* "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.
Small Print From Commercials:
* "Do not use house paint on face." -- In a Visa commercial that depicts an expecting couple looking for paint at a hardware store.
* "Do not drive cars in ocean." -- In a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean.
* "Always drive on roads. Not on people." -- From a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert.
* "For a limited time only." -- From a Rally's commercial that described how their burgers were fresh.
* "No stopping or standing." -- A sign at bus stops everywhere.
* "Do not sit under coconut trees." -- A sign on a coconut palm in a West Palm Beach park circa 1950.
* "These rows reserved for parents with children." -- A sign in a church.
* "All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for."-- A sign in a Cumberland Farms in Hillsboro, New Hampshire.
* "Malfunction: Too less water." -- A notice left on a coffee machine.
* "Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone." -- On a form in a clinic.
* "Payment is due by the due date." -- On a credit card statement.
Safety Procedures:
* "Take care: new non-slip surface." -- On a sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building.
* "In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp.
Ingredients:
* "Ingredients: Artificially bleached flour, sugar, vegetable fat, yeast, salt, gluten, soya flour, emulsifier 472 (E) & 481, flour treatment agents, enzymes, water. May contain: fruit." -- The ingredients list on a package of fruit buns.
* "100% pure yarn." -- On a sweater.
Instructions:
* "Remove the plastic wrapper." -- The first instruction on a bag of microwave popcorn; to see the instructions, one first has to remove the plastic wrapper and unfold the pouch.
* "Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat." -- Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7- 11.
* "Instructions: usage known." -- Instructions on a can of black pepper.
* "Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants." -- On a bag of cat biscuits.
* "In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors." -- In a car manual.
* "Please include the proper portion of your bill." -- On the envelope for an auto insurance bill.
* "Optional modem required." -- On a computer software package.